I really was being so stubborn for so long and I was having such a hard time letting go of the things I wanted to keep in my life. It all started from last year. I still wish I hadn’t turned away from You and lived in the world like that, but thank You for Your grace.
For so long, off and on, I knew that I needed to prioritize worship and prayer in my daily life but for some reason I kept letting myself spend too much of my free time with things that would not revive me. Because of so many things, whether family scars, various traumas, etc., I’ve experienced a lot of lows in my life. But it wasn’t until recently that I remembered and experienced again how to actually receive healing from all of these things. The hardest part is being consistent, though. The amount of times I went back and forth between enjoying being in Your will and distancing myself from God, it’s embarrassing. This time around, it was on another level. I can’t let myself become lazy when it comes to this. The reason why is because my state has gotten to the point where even others start to lose strength at times. That’s too far.
Thankfully today was so different. God, You really did a miracle in my life. I still can’t tell if it was a building up of my devotion to really restore the spiritual things I’ve lost hold of, but please let me continue to enjoy this huge blessing. I felt the heaviness lift off of me. I was actually so shocked to see how well I was doing compared to the usual. I still had to fight the spiritual battle though, not letting myself believe the lies that Satan was trying to attack me with. This is a weak point of mine. My thoughts really are vulnerable when I’m not protecting myself with the armor of God. I was so used to being in a low, helpless state that it felt strange to be out of that. I think a lot of it had to do with my attitude, though. Rather than being thankful for what I had, I had gotten into the habit of comparison and complaining about what I didn’t have yet. Right now (as well as the beginning of this year) I feel like the prodigal son who turned away from You and finally came back. I don’t know how You waited for me all this time, but thank You for always being there with open arms. I’m so undeserving.
Another thing I haven’t liked about myself for a while is my arrogance and demanding attitude toward God. Thank You for helping me restore that heart of gratitude. It’s pretty sad to see myself and how I wasn’t even thankful for so many blessings that others don’t have. Feeling pretty small for trying to remain in my stubborn mindsets. Please give me the strength so I can get through the end of the semester, as well as all the steps necessary for the next chapter of my life. Right now I’m enjoying the peace that transcends all understanding, and it really feels like it’ll be okay. I want to enjoy these things that I’ve seen as a burden. I don’t want to be like the Israelites who quickly grew ungrateful when they got the blessings they were praying for.
Give me the correct heart posture, Lord. When I don’t have enough spiritual strength, everything becomes a burden. I don’t want to live like that. Grant me the power that comes from above, that surpasses my limitations. May I not become deceived into following the way the world thinks. It’s not about success and living a comfortable life, as much as I’d like that pretty often. It’s not about my own desires. My heart isn’t yet completely in it with joy when I say this, but it is truly all for Your glory. Help me get to that point where I can really confess this with a genuine heart. I can’t continue to live for myself and gratify my selfish desires. I know I need to follow Your plan. I need to become healed first so I can heal others.
Give me Your grace so I remember my true identity and the authority You gave me. I am Your child of light who can drive out the darkness wherever I go. I will no longer allow these things to weigh me down. It feels different this time, as if I have everything I need to be successful in this way, and I just need to actually believe it’s possible. I have to change. This feels like a generational curse, this habit of depression, this anxiety that seems to drown everything else out sometimes. Please break this so my future family and kids don’t have to experience this. Teach me as much as You can now so I can establish the correct habits and really lead by example. Times are changing and fast. We’re all going to need that different strength that only You can provide.
Shine the light of Christ 
I admire and support your commitment and effective approach to supporting individuals, especially younger ones, as learn to consider and navigate the realities of life from a Christian context.
I am writing to thank you, and to ask if you are interested in either an article or a review copy of my upcoming book, Whose Life Are You Living? Finding and Living Your Unique Purpose in Christ. The book deals with specific biblical answers to the following questions: What does it really mean to live the unique and incredible life that God designed for us? And how might that life be different than the average Christian’s life? Instead of providing rules and formulas, it leads the reader to a more personalized and biblical journey with the Spirit of God. Together they consider scriptural truths including identity, salvation, faith, prayer and walking with Christ. As they progress, focus is consistently on recognizing and embracing one’s unique and incredible kingdom roles and missions with Christ. Efforts of our natural person are surrendered, and God’s Spirit becomes the source of accomplishments both in and through us.
I experienced thirty-three years as an effective business leader and then moved into full-time volunteer biblical ministry through active participation in board leadership and direct support of ministry clients. Most of these involve working with individuals who are seeking freedom through Christ from all manners of addictions, brokenness, and incarceration. My wife and I also have over twenty-five years of experience in marriage mentoring.
I believe that you would find this book interesting and potentially useful to your audience. For that reason, and the fact that your work has such a positive influence on me, I am asking if I may have your permission to send you a review copy when this book is published? If so, please have an associate advise me through email. I am also available to provide a related article or articles at any time. Either way, I want to thank you for your kingdom influence on me and so many others.
Blessings and Appreciation,
Curt Martin
curtpmartin.com
cpmartjoy@gmail.com
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