Things have been so different since I moved. It hasn’t even been a whole week yet but I’m not even exaggerating when I say I feel so renewed. The longing to return to where I once was has finally passed and now I can enjoy this in reality. I now realize lots of factors were at play that were hindering me from restoring my intimacy with God but He’s kept on reminding me that a lot of it has to do with my own stubbornness. It’s always getting past that initial plateau that the fruits quickly follow and you remember just why this is so necessary. I have this greater and constant peace within me, I feel lighter, and I can even see it reflected in others’ faces how this has changed me from the inside out. I mean, honestly, this whole week, it almost felt like my depression lifted or was significantly reduced. That’s a huge answer to my prayers.
What’s crazy though is that if you’ve been following the news, you might’ve heard about Hurricane Isaias on the East Coast. At first when I heard of it (before it hit and became a big problem), I was pretty dismissive of it because I’d never really been personally affected by one. But God really kept me safe that day. It was on Tuesday of this week and I was scheduled to work all day rather than my usual evening shift. Pretty soon after I got to work it started to pour down hard, I was actually in awe of how bad the storm was outside. It looked like it was going to flood the streets. It stopped for a while, but then evening time came and the building’s power was going in and out. I work at a restaurant and the technology we use is a little outdated, which I now realize was a blessing that day (imagine if everything was online…would’ve been a major shutdown). But even the phone lines were disconnecting often, and we had to rely more on pen and paper to take orders and even give out old-school receipts. That was pretty stressful for me but I can’t imagine how the owners felt, worrying about their business more than usual. Thankfully they only had to bear with that for one day.
When I went out the next day, so many stores were shut down due to lost power outages. Even people in my neighborhood and nearby cities had the same problem and were basically in survival mode. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had been home all day and the power went out. I hope it comes back soon for everyone who’s currently enduring it.
But back to my main point. When I finally got to the grocery store after a lot of my options were eliminated, I was shocked by how it looked on the inside. I swear I thought I was in one of those apocalyptic or zombie movies. It was dark in there with only minimal lighting, almost all the sections with refrigerated/frozen items were completely empty and closed off with caution tape, the overhead speaker that usually played music had this creepy sounding constant buzz, and people were using their phone flashlights as they walked through the aisles. I think the worst part was that sound coming out of the speaker because that’s the kind of thing that you really only hear in movies…it just makes the mood so much more tense. I almost expected something to go wrong and all hell to break loose right there. It was such a relief once I got out of that building. What’s weirder is that I didn’t even need anything urgent, and I could’ve done without walking in that place. Maybe God led me there.
I still can’t get the memory of that out of my head. Being in that place and taking everything in, not sure how to react, it just made me think of how things will be in the future. I wonder how many people actually believe in the prophecies that are recorded in the Bible, and how the end times are approaching. I used to think that they were farther away in the future, but with all these disasters happening all around the world and how the time between them is shrinking more and more, who knows when Jesus could return? I’m so relieved I have that guarantee of eternal life after this life on earth, but what about everyone else? I really can’t waste any more time, especially now that I have this renewed strength from God. I have confidence once again that I can be used for His works. I don’t know what exactly He’s called me to do, but I want to experience bringing at least one soul to Christ. I feel ashamed for all the time I spent focusing on myself and my own problems. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter that much, not compared to the loss of not having received Christ as one’s savior. But thank You again, Lord. You’ve never given up on me and I want to make it up to You.
I know I might end up repeating the cycle where I drift away from this state I’m in now, but I know You have a perfect plan. Even if that time comes again nearer or farther in the future, it feels like it’ll be okay. Thank You for encouraging me. Every time I fall, I only come back up quicker and having learned more. Please use this unique time to teach us all that You can. I understand more now why all these things are happening. We probably wouldn’t have listened otherwise. You have my full attention.