Considering a very pressing situation where someone I don’t know well asked me for money, I get the feeling God used this to help me examine myself and my spiritual state, as well as my struggle with trust. I eventually gave in because I could tell he was desperate and he said that he needed the money to feed himself. It’s still a little hard to believe that someone at that age would be so unprepared, but I’m trusting God to show me that it was worth it to lend the money to him. After all, how trusting can you be of someone you met online? I had my reasons for sure, but I really hope that as crazy as that kind of situation made me feel, he was being 100% honest with me.
I was wary because I had been scammed by someone online before, and luckily it wasn’t an amount of money I couldn’t eventually earn back. But still, I worked hard for that money, and it’s not like I have a stable job; I have to support myself financially to the best of my ability. Plus the scars I have from that past event still affect me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the past over the years. So many things have happened in my life that I’ve interpreted as scars. It’s still hard sometimes to see the blessing in disguise in many of my circumstances. But I’m very grateful that even before the Bible was written, others went through even crazier situations than I have. Whether it’s Joseph, Paul, etc., they were called by God for a greater purpose, and their hardships were the platform upon which He prepared their vessels. I know God has a great plan for me and my family line, but in the moment, the “breaking” just feels so unbearable sometimes. That pure desperation has become familiar to me, where I have no choice but to beg God to deliver me.
I thank Him for the grace He has shown me. How could He shower me with so much love after sin that feels like it could never be washed away? I’m still awestruck that He thought of me before He sent His only Son to go through the worst on that cross. I’m still blown away by the fact that my sins have been eternally forgiven. How did He know? I know He transcends everything, but still. It’s so hard to wrap my mind around.
I can’t wait for the day He will return for His children. I’m so anxious for that day, but help me, Lord. I don’t want my time here to be wasted. I know I’m being renewed every day, but help me in taking care of the responsibilities You’ve given me. I don’t want to arrive in heaven on that day to find out that I’ve somehow let You down. I want to see the day where I know I can save at least one soul, where I can see at least one person’s changed because of what You’ve done through me. I hope I can reach that point where I’m not so focused on myself but rather, on what I can do for others in order to bring them to that promised land. Please prepare me so that I can be confident in my ability to save others through what You have planned. I need Your strength and power every single moment of my life.
Please help me to confess as often as the thought enters my mind: that simple gospel, the covenant that You gave to Your people; that there is no other way except Jesus to be once again reunited with You. Thank You that You are always with me, that You’ve somehow kept me safe and healthy throughout the past 27 years of my life. I’ve seen things that deeply upset me, Yet You restored, revived, and healed me so greatly.
Please help me keep my eyes fixed on what is good and pure: focused on that heavenly prize, so that I may press on no matter what, and overcome every single thing that You’ve planned for me to encounter. It’s all for Your ultimate plan of bringing this gospel to the ears of every single person on this earth. Help me take responsibility for the tasks You’ve assigned to me so I can help carry out this plan. Keep me on the right path so I’m prepared whenever You bring those appointed people to me.
Help me be one to remind the world of Your truth.
“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20 NLT